It started out as the dream job for a passionate Christian -- reporting about religion for a major newspaper. But writing about other people's religions ended up costing William Lobdell his own.
The former Los Angeles Times reporter chronicled his soul-wrenching, emotion-laden journey in the recently released book "Losing My Religion: How I Lost My Faith Reporting on Religion in America -- and Found Unexpected Peace," published by Harper Collins.
Lobdell's spiritual journey led him from an uninspired Protestant childhood to agnosticism before he attended a weekend Christian men's retreat where he was "born again."
Concerned with what he considered to be uninformed, uninspired coverage of religion in the mainstream press, Lobdell asked for the religion beat at the Times. He started with a biweekly column, which "was deepening my faith," he said. Then in 2000, he was offered a job covering religion full time.
"I had made it. I credited my faith and constant prayers," he wrote.
For the next five years, Lobdell
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"Losing My Religion: How I Lost My Faith Reporting on Religion in America -- and Found Unexpected Peace," by William Lobdell, is available at most major bookstores and through online booksellers. On his newly embraced atheism, Lobdell says: "My life makes better sense now, without a personal God in the equation." "What the Bible promises -- peace and serenity -- I've found in larger measures as a nonbeliever. My morals and values ( ... inherent to each human being) haven't changed." "What has taken the place of God in my life? A tremendous sense of gratitude. I sense how fortunate I am to be alive in this thin sliver of time ... This gives me a renewed sense of urgency to live this short life well. I don't have eternity to fall back on, so my focus on the present has sharpened." |
But in his life, "We lived a version of Christianity Lite, a feel-good brand of faith that didn't extend much past Sunday morning." After much thought, he and his wife, Greer, decided to study to become Roman Catholics.
While he struggled with his beliefs and doubts, Lobdell was encountering people and situations that tested his faith daily: Mormons who professed a strong devotion to faith and family while "punishing" ex-Mormons with utter rejection; fraudulent televangelists who fleeced thousands while living a life of luxury; faith-healers who preyed on the desperate; Roman Catholic clergy who molested children for years and their superiors who covered for them.
Covering the clergy sex abuse scandal shook Lobdell to his spiritual core. His last stories covered the human debris left after a Catholic missionary to a remote Alaskan island basically raped a generation of its native boys, and an Oregon court trial in which high-paid lawyers heartlessly defended a priest from the requests for child support for his sick, penniless son.
"My problem was, it no longer shocked me," Lobdell wrote.
He quit the religion beat and continued writing for the Times until August 2008. Two years ago, he wrote a first-person account of his spiritual odyssey for the Times.
Reaction to his article and his book (released last month), has been more favorable than Lobdell had anticipated. Some ministers have called it a "must-read" and a "wake-up call" for their flocks, the broader free-thinkers community has praised it and at least one theological seminary has made it required reading.
"There is a real hunger for seeing the other side and learning about doubt and not just being fed the good stuff," said Lobdell, 48. "Within Christian churches and other religions, you are not allowed to express doubt."
A handful of active pastors have told Lobdell that they no longer believe in their faith, but have no one to talk to about it. The author has been asked to speak at a number of churches. His first book-signing sold out.
Lobdell has no regrets about "coming out" as an atheist in a country that self-identifies overwhelmingly as Christian or at least as theists.
"I'm grateful that I can help other people come to terms with their own doubts," he said.
