For newlyweds, they're spending their evenings like an old married couple.
They watch television and turn in early.
Bridgette Benavides and her wife, Kathleen Mahoney, wed six months ago today at the Dubuque County Courthouse. It was the first day same-sex couples were allowed to marry in Iowa, and they were among four lesbian couples in the county that received a waiver for the three-day waiting period.
When Benavides describes their relationship like that of an "old married couple," she might be referring to the three decades they spent together before they were able to marry.
"We have lived the vows for 33 years that other people have taken for granted," she told the Telegraph Herald before she tied the knot on April 27.
A look at the marriage records in Dubuque County shows that the Wisconsin couple is one of many out-of-state couples to wed in Iowa over the past six months. At least 70 percent of the same-sex marriage licenses in the county were granted to couples who live outside Iowa. Wisconsin and Illinois each sent
by the numbers |
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127 -- same-sex couples applied to marry in Dubuque County 70 -- percent of the couples live outside of Iowa $3,937 -- generated for the Iowa Department of Public Health from marriage licenses fees for same-sex couples 64 -- percent of the couples are female 36 -- percent of the couples are male 9 -- couples are from elsewhere in Iowa, including Cedar Rapids, Bernard, Independence, Iowa City and Waterloo. 17 -- percent live in Dubuque 37 -- couples live in Illinois. The same number live in Wisconsin 12 -- percent live outside the tri-states, in Florida, Nevada, Georgia, Ohio and Oklahoma -- Source: Estimates pulled from all marriage license applications filed in Dubuque County between April 27 and Oct. 23, 2009. Residency was unknown for six couples. Same-sex marriage licenses 3 in Delaware County 1 in Jackson County 8 in Clayton County (estimate) |
In total, 127 same-sex couples filed paperwork. Couples of all ages wed, from two 20-year-old women to a pair of men who were 73 and 75 years old. Some newlyweds shared more than gender. Michelle married Michelle, James wed James, Jennifer tied the knot with Jennifer, and Kenneth and Kenneth got hitched.
There are no concrete numbers for how many same-sex couples have been married in Iowa. The Des Moines Register reported that between April 27 and July 27, 676 same-sex couples applied for the 5,214 marriage certificates issued statewide. Gender was concealed on 339 marriage certificates.
The Iowa marriage form allows applicants to choose "bride," "groom" or "spouse." They also may specify gender, but both fields are optional. The Telegraph Herald used a combination of both fields and gender-specific names to tally an estimate of same-sex marriages performed in Dubuque County.
Lesbian couples made up 64 percent of the same-sex licenses.
Unitarian Universalist minister Kent Mayfield said he believes more gay women are formalizing their relationships through marriage, not only for love, but for the legal benefits.
"So many women (couples) have children -- either from a previous marriage or on their own -- and one stays home with the children or is marginally employed, so insurance is an important issue," Mayfield said.
Mayfield has officiated at perhaps 15 same-sex weddings in the past six months.
The couples have all been women and they have wed in parks, homes, hotels, gardens and the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Dubuque, where Mayfield ministers.
Frank Vlach, of Dubuque, also is a newlywed. He has been married one year, and his wife recently gave birth to a baby boy. Six months after the Iowa Supreme Court ruling went into effect, Vlach said he remains opposed to gay marriage.
For Vlach, marriage has a religious meaning.
"Marriage is a higher level than just being together. In the Bible, it says God joins your soul together in a marriage," he said.
Vlach said he doesn't oppose the idea of civil unions or homosexuals living together for the rest of their lives. The legalization of gay marriage affects him, he said, because he feels like he's forced to be tolerant of the homosexual lifestyle.
"They're not tolerant of my religious beliefs, because my beliefs convict them," he said.
Vlach said the issue, like abortion, will be something he considers at the ballot box.
The National Organization for Marriage will target the issue in upcoming elections. The group, which backed California's Proposition 8, has launched the Reclaim Iowa Project to back legislative candidates who support putting the issue before voters.
Dubuquer Nancy Whitlow, who is straight, said she hasn't noticed the topic come up too much among her friends.
"I just think everybody should have the same rights. That was the proposition our country was based on, all people are created equal," she said. "I don't have much experience with any of it, it's just a principle at stake. It's humane. People should be able to choose who they want to marry."
Benavides and Mahoney said they're disappointed their marriage isn't recognized in their home state of Wisconsin, but they still thought it was worth pursuing an Iowa license.
"It's very important to be legally married," Mahoney said.
After the small Dubuque ceremony on April 27, the couple went back to their hometown of Grafton, Wis., where they celebrated with friends and family. Their 15-year-old son is "very happy" about their marriage, Mahoney said.
"I'm just thrilled to be married in my own country," Benavides said.
